Few things repulse me more than babies. The mere sight of one fills me with an intense disgust that can only be alleviated by the absolute destruction of the offending object. The idea that babies are 'cute' is a concept so foreign to my sensibilities that I really wonder if people who subscribe to that notion are in full control of their mental facilities. Babies are NOT cute. They are vile little creatures with no redeeming qualities. They require constant attention. They piss and shit all over themselves. They vomit with impunity. They cry and scream. They have to be kept clean. They are more prone to disease than a grown human. They look stupid. They must be hand fed. You have to dress them. What the hell is cute about any of that stuff?
I can't for the life of me understand why anyone would want to have a baby in the first place. How boring and uncreative you must be! A baby is a full time job. Is there nothing in your life you enjoy doing? The best thing you can think of to do is to become a slave to some crying, shit machine? That's all you'll ever be from the day it's born. Just a meat robot who's job it is to feed and clothe and clean the baby. Gee, how exciting.
I hate the way that whenever someone has a baby, they act like it's such a special and wonderful occasion. The mother will prance around and show off her new baby to everyone she meets. "Hey everybody, look what came out of my pussy! Isn't it just the cutest thing you ever saw?" Fuck no it ain't, and if you don't get that fucking thing out of my face, I'll twist it's little head right the fuck off!
What really pisses me off is when people talk about the 'miracle of birth'. Gimmie a break! Webster defines miracle as: "An event that appears unexplainable by the laws of nature and so is held to be supernatural in origin". A new baby is squeezed out somewhere on earth every 10 seconds or so. That's not a miracle. If everyone who had a kid was emotionally and financially able to care for it, THAT would be a miracle.
I hate it when I see some lame couple walking down the street, pushing a baby in a stroller. Just once I'd like to run up to them, grab the baby by it's feet, and smash it's head against the curb as hard as I could. The look on their faces would almost be worth the prison time. Same goes for people who have a baby seat mounted on the back of their ten-speeds. It would bring me such joy to hit them with my car. The exact moment when the baby's head strikes the pavement would be like the punchline of a really funny joke.
People that have a baby think they deserve to get special treatment. They'll get no such favors from me! I WILL NOT give up my seat on a bus to a pregnant woman. If I see a woman pushing a stroller towards the entrance of a store, I WILL NOT hold the door open for her. If I'm in a public place like a movie theater and someone's baby is creating a disturbance, I tell them to shut the fucking thing up or get the hell out! Even some criminals I know won't rob a woman who has a baby. Hell, they make the BEST victims. Just run up to her and knock the baby from her arms. She'll be so focused on it's welfare that she won't even try and stop you from taking her purse.
I'd like to go to a hospital maternity ward where all the babies are laid out in their own incubators. Then I'd fill each incubator with a different foul substance. One with piss, another with bleach, yet another with vomit. Then I'd hang out and watch the reaction of the parents who came to see their child and found it floating dead in a clear box full of shit. That would be great.
I love the concept of crib death. Surprise! Your kid is dead. I wish someone would put out a 2 hour video that was nothing but the reactions of mothers who find their babies dead in the morning. I'd pay big bucks for that. I love miscarriages too. It's even better if the parents have already bought things for the baby, only to have it expelled in a dead, bloody mess. That would be another great video, The Worlds Funniest Miscarriages. You just know they'd end up airing it on the Fox network!
The worse thing about babies is that they grow into children. I hate children even more than babies. They say that children should be seen and not heard? I don't even want to see them! But that's a whole other essay in itself...